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Posts Tagged ‘Walking Dead’

billy-joel-didnt-start-the-fire

Press play & sing along.

Barack ObamaBeyoncé,
Matthew McConaughey,
Lena Dunham, Boko Haram,
Bill deBlasio

Polar Vortex, Richard Sherman,
True Detective, Immigration,
Pete Seeger, Derek Jeter,
Maya Angelou

Neil deGrasse Tyson,
Philip Seymour Hoffman,
Battle in the Ukraine,
and Malaysia’s missing plane

Colorado’s legal weed,
Daft Punk’s got a Grammy,
Malala Yousafzai,
Donald Sterling, goodbye!

 

(more…)

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This Easter Sunday could be one of the zombiest days in the history of Prime Time TV. Jesus will rise from the grave during the History Channel’s conclusion of The Bible. Walkers and biters will probably influence the impending Woodbury-Prison War on The Walking Dead. Meanwhile on Game Of Thrones, a horde of White Walkers were last seen marching toward the Night’s Watch.

If you’re having trouble choosing between the Walking Dead finale and the Game Of Thrones premiere, my boy Eric Siegelstein wrote a piece for the Barnes & Noble Book Blog that should help you decide. I’m with Siegs, by the way. It’s been 10 months since new Thrones, so I’m watching that live and DVRing the Dead for later. As for the conclusion of The Bible, maybe I’ll check it out eventually if I hear any good buzz on the Revelation scene.

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While The Walking Dead has really upped its game this season, I still spend a lot of time wishing it would give us just a few more moments outside the emotional spectrum between “bleak” and “merciless soul torture.”  That’s why I cherish this scene from last night’s “I Ain’t A Judas,” featuring Beth Greene’s (Emily Kinney’s) lovely rendition of Tom Waits’ “Hold On.”

It’s even more moving when we remember how Beth was literally slitting her wrists last season.  This is hope: a pretty young lady singing in a dark prison as the end of the world is staggering outside.

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(Part 9 Of An Ongoing Series)

Bad men live that they may eat and drink, whereas good men eat and drink that they may live.

Socrates

Eat or die.

Colonel Ives (Robert Carlyle), Ravenous

Aside from being one of the most under-appreciated 1999 movies, Antonia Bird’s Ravenous is that fiendish breed of scary story that preys on our fears of both the natural and supernatural.  Drawing from the classic American horror legends of The Donner Party, Alferd Packer, and The Wendigo, the Ted Griffin-penned film has a whole lot of morbid fun with the idea that certain transgressions- in this case, cannibalism- might make us subhuman as well as superhuman.

It’s certainly not a flick for sensitive stomachs, and by mainstream-1999 standards, it may have been absurdly bloody.  But in 2012, considering how much gut-feasting one could watch every week in basic-cable prime time on The Walking Dead, Ravenous feels quite restrained.  Like most great horror, it leaves much of the gory details to the imagination.

Yet Ravenous is far more than carnage and terror, which is a big reason why it holds up so well.  The meat is a complicated, soul-wrenching tale that ventures into a twisted realm beyond good and evil.  What makes Ravenous so deliciously 1999, though, is its wicked irreverence.  While that attitude may be slathered on a bit too thick in the opening, it becomes contagious by the second act, as Robert Carlyle’s sick, desperate laughter starts.  Like our troubled hero, Guy Pearce’s Lieutenant Boyd, we’re constantly seduced and repulsed, hungry to soldier on, yet fearful we’ll be irredeemably corrupted.

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gif courtesy of iwdrm.tumblr.com

The Sopranos is Francis Ford Coppola, duh.  Martin Scorsese‘s a little too flashy for The Sopranos so he gets to be Breaking Bad, with all the shovel-POV shots and such.

Steven Spielberg has to be LOST: heaps of gee-whiz! with a dollop of schmaltz.

I’ve never seen Battlestar Galactica, but I want to say that one’s George Lucas.  Of the shows I have seen, the closest George Lucas might be Heroes– though in fairness to Lucas, Heroes started sucking in way less time.

Friday Night Lights is Robert Altman, particularly Nashville, where country music is high school football and the acting is unbelievably natural.

Louie is obviously Woody Allen, only I think I could actually hang out with Louie’s alter ego without wanting to slap the neuroses out of him.

Mad Men is Stanley Kubrick, I think.  Clinically sterile on the surface, but still very human at its core.  Also because they both feel like Americans who love America but wish they were British so they could see America from a British perspective.

If all those Discovery & History Channel reality shows about dangerous, nature-battling jobs (Deadliest Catch, Ice Road Truckers) procreated with all those A&E and TLC reality shows about mentally-disturbed weirdos (Hoarders, My Strange Addiction), the offspring would be Werner Herzog.

If all those tacky, tasteless MTV & VH1 reality shows (Jersey Shore, Flavor Of Love) fucked each other, the offspring would be John Waters.  (This is meant as a compliment to John Waters, and as an insult to the reality shows.  I’m not sure how that works, but that’s how it is.)

If Wes Craven and John Carpenter and Tobe Hooper and Brian DePalma and Dario Argento had an orgy and the offspring got mostly recessive genes, that offspring would be American Horror Story

Carnivale is David Lynch, because of the genuinely eerie Americana and all the unanswered questions.

The Walking Dead is George Romero if he took his sweet, sweet time a la Terrence Malick.  Though of course Terrence Malick is more Planet Earth. 

30 Rock might have to be Mike Nichols, though of course it has plenty of Mel Brooks too.  But with all the genre-spoofing, Mel Brooks should probably be Community.  And I guess that would mean Arrested Development is John LandisThe Office (US Version) is Hal Ashby (unless Parks And Recreation is Hal Ashby).  The Office (UK Version) is more realistic and uncomfortable to watch, so that’s John CassavetesHow I Met Your Mother is meta-Arthur Hiller (the guy who directed Love Story as well as a couple of Neil Simon scripts).  I can’t think of who It’s Always Sunny In Philadelphia would be.  Who’s the most mean-spirited and irredeemably obnoxious 1970s filmmaker?

I have yet to see Homeland or Rubicon, but they’re Alan Pakula, right?  Because conspiracies and shit?

The Wire would have to be Sidney Lumet, with the criminals and the scathing social commentary of modern urban…OK, I’m just guessing on this one too, since I’ve only seen like 4 episodes of The Wire, and I’m ashamed to admit this.

Deadwood is either Walter Hill or Sam Peckinpah, since it takes the brutality inherent in early-20th Century Westerns and reconfigures it through modern…

…all right, I’ve seen zero episodes of Deadwood.

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