6 Amazing Fall-Back Hour Hacks

FLAPPERHOUSE

The Fall-Back Hour is one of the most magical hours in the entire 4th dimension, and yet so many people seem to sleep right through it. If you’re still awake when we repeat 1 – 1:59 AM at the end of Daylight Savings Time, look at all the amazing things you can do and see!

source: Factual Science, Volume 9, Issue 23

1. If you perform a  palindromic act during the Fall-Back Hour– for example, writing in pencil for 30 minutes, then spending the next 30 minutes erasing everything you just wrote, moving backward from the end–  you will open a wormhole that leads to a Möbius Strip Museum.

2. If you fall asleep during the Fall-Back Hour, you will dream you’re in a labyrinth filled with flying jellyfish.

3. All TV broadcasts aired live during the Fall-Back Hour will appear on DVR recordings as old PM Dawn videos.

4. Analog…

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The YouTube Captions Movie Quote Game

I’m no techno-geek, but I’m pretty sure YouTube’s “Automatic Captions” feature is made possible by farsighted lip-readers and voice-recognition software developed by capuchin helper monkeys. See if you can guess the following movie quotes as translated by this hysterically imperfect program:

1. “The pet of the right to communicate with their on backed by the inequities, the Philippines, and upheaval.”

2. “Hi style, Steve Hess.”

3. “Benedetto without government: Radon!”

4. “Economies? Economies?”

5. “Over the religion is amazing organized for good last year.”

6. “Pilots public public aborting!”

7. “Dividend. David Mattingly.”

8. “Possibilities, braces.”

9. “A bubble is best for Mrs. Moon.”

10. “Believe dot here, failure get milkshake.”

Answers:

1. “The path of the righteous man is beset on all sides by the inequities of the selfish and the tyranny of evil men.” Pulp Fiction

2. “Why so serious?” The Dark Knight

3. “They can take our lives, but they will never take our freedom!” Braveheart

4. “You talkin’ to me? You talkin’ to me?” Taxi Driver

5. “Hokey religions and ancient weapons are no match for a good blaster at your side.” Star Wars

6. “I love the smell of napalm in the morning!” Apocalypse Now

7. “Leave the gun…take the cannoli.” The Godfather

8. “Hasta la vista, baby.” Terminator 2: Judgment Day

9. “A boy’s best friend is his mother.” Psycho

10. “What we’ve got here is failure to communicate.” Cool Hand Luke

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Insular Tahiti

“Tahitian Mountains” – Paul Gauguin (1893)

Consider the subtleness of the sea; how its most dreaded creatures glide under water, unapparent for the most part, and treacherously hidden beneath the loveliest tints of azure. Consider… the universal cannibalism of the sea; all whose creatures prey upon each other, carrying on eternal war since the world began.

Consider all this, and then turn to this green, gentle, and most docile earth; consider them both, the sea and the land; and do you not find a strange analogy to something in yourself? For as this appalling ocean surrounds the verdant land, so in the soul of man there lies one insular Tahiti, full of peace and joy, but encompassed by all the horrors of the half known life. God keep thee! Push not off from that isle, thou canst never return!

Herman Melville, Moby-Dick

When a Jeopardy! answer in an art category mentions Tahiti, the question is always, “Who is Gauguin?”

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Historic And Mostly True Moments In Toilets And Literacy

In the final scene of last night’s season finale of Breaking Bad, Hank Schrader apparently experienced an epiphany on the toilet after opening a copy of Walt Whitman’s Leaves Of Grass.  Of course, this was far from the only historic moment involving toilets and literature:

October 31, 1517:

Martin Luther nails his 95 Theses to the door of Wittenberg’s All Saints Church. Scholars attest that Luther’s acute constipation caused him to spend many hours on the toilet, where he researched and wrote the text that started the Protestant Reformation.

December 11, 1747

In a letter to his son, Lord Chesterfield discusses the virtues of reading in the necessary-house:

I knew a gentleman who was so good a manager of his time that he would not even lose that small portion of it which the calls of nature obliged him to pass in the necessary-house; but gradually went through all the Latin poets in those moments. He bought, for example, a common edition of Horace, of which he tore off gradually a couple of pages, carried them with him to that necessary place, read them first, and then sent them down as a sacrifice to Cloacina: this was so much time fairly gained, and I recommend you to follow his example…. Books of science and of a grave sort must be read with continuity; but there are very many, and even very useful ones, which may be read with advantage by snatches and unconnectedly: such are all the good Latin poets, except Virgil in his Æneid, and such are most of the modern poets, in which you will find many pieces worth reading that will not take up above seven or eight minutes.

March 8, 1857:

Joseph Gayetty is the first to market toilet paper, sold for 50 cents per 500 sheets. In a press release, the product is dubbed “Gayetty’s Medicated Paper for the Water-Closet,” and is said to be purer and safer than more commonly used printing papers, which contain “fearful poisons” like Oil of Vitriol and Oxalic Acid. Newspapers and other printed materials, however, continue to be the t.p. of choice in America because they’re cheaper, more readily available, and more fun to read than Gayetty’s papers, which only feature the inventor’s name.

September 30, 1890:

Sears publishes its first catalog, which soon becomes rural America’s preferred toilet reading material/toilet paper.

September 23, 1930:

Sears publishes its catalog on less-absorbent glossy paper, and receives a number of complaint letters from rural America.  The Old Farmer’s Almanac, with its more absorbent texture and hole punched in the corner for easy outhouse hanging, remains a popular alternative.

circa 1936:

In Black Spring, Henry Miller extols the glory of toilet reading:

O the wonderful recesses of the toilet! To them I owe my knowledge of Boccaccio, of Rabelais, of Petronius, of The Golden Ass.  All my good reading, you might say, was done on the toilet.  At the worst, Ulysses, or a detective story.  There are passages in Ulysses which can be read only in the toilet- if one wants to extract the full flavor of their content.  And this is not to denigrate the talent of the author.  This is simply to move him a little closer to the good company of Abelard, Petrarch, Rabelais, Villon, Boccaccio- all the fine, lusty genuine spirits who recognized dung for dung and angels for angels.

February 23, 1940:

Celebrated Argentine author/reviewer of non-existent books Jorge Luis Borges imagines reading Pierre Menard’s Quixote while pretending to poop.

August 16, 1977:

Elvis Presley falls off his toilet and dies in Memphis. Rumor has it that at the time of his death, he was reading a copy of Tom Robbins’ Another Roadside Attraction, smeared with fried banana-and-peanut butter fingerprints.

circa 1994:

Pulp Fiction‘s Vincent Vega (John Travolta) reads Peter O’Donnell’s Modesty Blaise while on a coffee shop toilet, and fails to hear Pumpkin (Tim Roth) and Honey Bunny (Amanda Plummer) loudly committing an armed robbery. Later, in the last moments of Vince’s life (but earlier, in the middle of the movie), Vince is so captivated by Modesty Blaise while using Butch Coolidge’s toilet that he apparently fails to hear Butch (Bruce Willis) enter the apartment, retrieve the gold watch from the bedroom, prepare a Pop Tart and pick up the assault rifle that was left on the counter. (Though the theory that Vince may have been expecting Marsellus Wallace [Ving Rhames] and therefore thought nothing of Butch’s noisemaking is a widely accepted hypothesis among internet geeks.)

April 16, 1998:

George Costanza (Jason Alexander) is forced to buy a book on French Impressionist art which he brought into a bookstore bathroom.  Subsequent attempts to sell the tainted book prove futile.

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Kentucky Bourbon Or Flannery O’Connor Character?

1. Hazel Motes

2. Pappy Van Winkle

3. George Poker Sash

4. Manley Pointer

5. Basil Hayden

6. Elijah Craig

7. J.W. Dant

8. Tom Shiftlet

9. Scofield May

10. George T. Stagg

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Kenutcky Bourbon: 2, 5, 6, 7, 10

Flannery O’Connor Character: 1 (Wise Blood), 3 (“A Late Encounter With The Enemy”), 4 (“Good Country People”), 8 (“The Life You Save May Be Your Own”), 9 (“Greenleaf”)

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Guided By Voices Song, Or English Translation Of A Foreign Title Of An American Movie?

1. The Jungle Died Laughing

2. My Valuable Hunting Knife

3. Underwater Explosions

4. Night In The Cramped Forest

5. Kiss Only The Important Ones

6. Mom, I Missed The Plane

7. Captain Supermarket

8. Running Off With The Fun City Girls

9. Jane of the Waking Universe

10. Mysterious Murder In Snowy Cream

11. His Powerful Device Makes Him Famous

12. Unleashed! The Large-Hearted Boy

13. Meetings And Failures In Meetings

14. Everywhere With Helicopter

15. Super Speeding Cleaning Evil Accounts

16. Hardcore UFOs

17. Dimwit Surges Forth

18. The Stir-Crazy Pornographer

19. I’ll Replace You With Machines

20. I’m Drunk And You’re A Prostitute

Guided By Voices Song: 2, 3, 5, 8, 9, 12, 14, 16, 18, 19

English Translation Of A Foreign Title Of An American Movie:

1 (George Of The Jungle in Israel)

4 (The Blair Witch Project in China)

6 (Home Alone in France)

7 (Army Of Darkness in Japan)

10 (Fargo in China)

11 (Boogie Nights in China)

13 (Lost In Translation in Portugal)

15 (Drive Angry in Thailand)

17 (The Waterboy in Thailand)

20 (Leaving Las Vegas in Japan)

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Tarantino Dialogue Or Salt-N-Pepa Lyrics?

1. Who, me? A tease? Brother, please.

2. You can take my word for it, your mother had it comin’.

3. Well damn if you ain’t so sweet you make sugar taste just like salt.

4. Yo, baby pop. Yeah, you, come here. Gimme a kiss. Better make it fast or else I’m gonna get pissed.

5. You call that begging? You can beg better than that.

6. I wanna dance, I wanna win, I want that trophy, so dance good.

7. Now wait a minute y’all, this dance ain’t for everybody, only the sexy people.  So all you fly mothers, get on out there and dance.  Dance, I said!

8. I’m a negro with an ego.

9. Now, what we got here is a little game of show and tell. You don’t wanna show me nothing but you’re telling me everything.

10. You got two jobs; kiss good, and make sure my hair don’t get wet.

11. You can’t play me, boy, I’m no game.

12. My ass may be dumb, but I ain’t no dumbass.

13. I’m gonna go jump in the tub and get all slippery and soapy and then hop in that waterbed and watch X-rated movies til you get your ass back in my lovin’ arms.

14. The difference between a hooker and a ho ain’t nothin’ but a fee.

15. If looks could kill, you would be an uzi.

16. Grandma carries a can of mace, and she’ll stick a 45 in your face.

17. I don’t know what futuristic utopia you live in, but the world I live in, a bitch need a gun.

18. I’m gonna give you a little somethin’ you can’t take off.

19. Ask too many questions and my Smith & Wesson will answer

20. You put up with my butt when I wouldn’t give it up.  Yeah I know that really sucks, but if you wait a while, I’ll make it up.

21. Facts can be so misleading, where rumors, true or false, are often revealing.

(answers below)

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Tarantino: 2 (Kill Bill Vol. 1), 3 (Death Proof) 5 (Kill Bill Vol. 1), 6 (Pulp Fiction), 9 (True Romance), 10 (Death Proof), 12 (Jackie Brown), 13 (True Romance), 17 (Death Proof), 18 (Inglourious Basterds), 21 (Inglourious Basterds)
Salt-N-Pepa: 1 (“Do You Want Me?”), 4 (“Push It”), 7 (“Push It”), 8 (“Negro Wit An Ego”), 11 (“A Salt With A Deadly Pepa”), 14 (“None Of Your Business”), 15 (“Shoop”), 16 (“Heaven ‘n Hell”),  19 (“Heaven ‘n Hell”) 20 (“Do You Want Me?”)

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